I’ll be the first to admit that I take rejection badly. This trait is fine for a surgeon (general anesthesia is a great way to avoid rejection), but is a problem for any new, aspiring, delusional writer, such as myself. So, today I received the following terse, fairly standard email of rejection:
Thank you for your interest; unfortunately this falls outside of my area of expertise. I wish you all the best finding the right agent and publisher for your work
I should note that this reply arrived exactly one year after my query submission.
So, I replied thusly:
Thank you for the courtesy of your reply to my query from one year ago. Congratulations on your recovery from the deep coma that prevented you from replying in a more timely, professional manner. During your absence, and due to a lack of any evidence during the past year that you or your company actually functions as a literary agency, I and my friends at the DEA have been forced to conclude that the financial transactions masquerading as the activities of a valid agent actually represent a probable money laundering enterprise for a Colombian drug cartel. You may anticipate further inquiries in this matter.
Again, thank you for taking such a lengthy and appreciative interest in my work. I’m sorry that I have been forced, in your absence, to pursue another path. I wish you luck in your future endeavors as a “literary agent.”
Which, of course, is yet another reason that I’m not “traditionally published.”
Evan, this is one of life’s classic “is the glass half-empty or is it half-full” scenarios. You may not be traditionally published, but you have been traditionally rejected. 🙂
Thank you, Thomas. I feel much better now.
Cheer up. I’ve just been over to Amazon to buy God Bless the Dead! Authors who can claim associations (however tenuous) with the traditional publishing industry always deeply impress me. As a self-published author, you must reconcile yourself to achieving acceptance piecemeal, one sale at a time. It all boils down to this in the end anyway. 😦
Thank you very much. You’re very kind. I have indeed reconciled myself to just that. I hope you enjoy the book.